A Quarterback’s Birth Mother

Heidi Russo is one of several birth mothers who decided to share her story publicly. Since Russo’s son is Colin Kaepernick, quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, she will likely be criticized more for her decision to come forward. But, her story brings adoption back into the national dialogue.

[View the story "An Adoption Story: Colin Kaepernick's Birth Mother" on Storify]

What is noticeably missing is any reaction from Colin Kaepernick and his parents. There could be a number of reasons why they haven’t spoken about the issue to date, but in the end, it’s their choice to share their side of the story, or to keep their family matters private.

The Girls Who Went Away

Waiting to see the documentary as it travels across the country in select cities? Go to the nearest chain bookstore and pick up the book – it’s very similar, just with more haunting detail.

The book, The Girls Who Went Away, is based on the audio interviews author Ann Fessler conducted with women who surrendered children for adoption during the baby scoop era. She used these same interviews to put together her documentary of the same name.

I’m only into Chapter 3. Around that point I realized I simply can’t read too much at a time. These stories are full of grief, and I feel it jumping out of the page. I can’t begin to imagine what it has been like to live through these experiences.

I appreciate Fessler sharing her own story as an adult adoptee in the first chapter. It brings a bit of the other side of the story into the picture.

Studying Adoption Bloggers

Members of the adoption triad, be warned: tenure-seeking academics are studying you!

I just scraped the surface of what appears to be a treasure trove of academic research about adoption. As I was looking for research in another field, I happened upon this little nugget, titled, “Narrative Coherence in Online Stories Told by Members of the Adoption Triad,” by all these people: Leslie Baxter, Kristen Norwood, Bryan Asbury, Amber Jannusch & Kristina M. Scharp.

Heard of it? It’s a 20 page paper published in the Journal of Family Communication about the kinds of stories the adoption community writes about online, and the similarities and differences in the ways these personal adoption experiences are written and explained.

At least, that’s what I think it’s about. I admit, I haven’t gotten through most of it yet. That’s because the first paragraph stopped me in my tracks!

Although adoption is a relatively common way that families are created, it is still a process that results in a family form often perceived as nonnormative, less preferable, and generally inferior to biologically based families (e.g., Fisher, 2003; Harrigan & Braithwaite, 2010). As a consequence, each person involved in the adoption triad (the adoptive parent(s), the adoptee, and the birth mother) often bears some type of stigma, that is, a negatively valenced perception of deviance (Goffman, 1963). The perception of difference and lack of legitimacy that often accompany the adoption experience might motivate members of the adoption triad to formulate narratives which explain and justify their experiences with adoption to others as well as to themselves. As Galvin (2006a) explains, when families depart from normative expectations of family, as adoptive families do, “their definitional processes expand exponentially, rendering their identity highly discourse dependent” (p. 3).

Wow, wow, WOW! There’s so much to discuss here. I’ll start by saying I ain’t mad that a little ol’ birth sibling like me was left out of the equation. I understand there aren’t many blogging about (or who even know about) their experiences.

I agree with this idea that people connected to adoption carry a stigma (according to society’s standards) because our family story is seen as unnatural, inferior, and not normal. We get this stigma despite the fact that MANY, MANY Americans are connected to adoption in some way. Go figure.

So, is this why we’re drawn to write about it? Do adoption bloggers have an affinity for airing out (or justifying) our so-called dirty laundry? Or are we using narratives to try to remove the stigma society undeservedly placed on the adoption triad?

I’ll let you know when I read more from this study. Or when I figure it out for myself. In the meantime please share your thoughts.

November Already?

The second-to-last month of 2012 is upon us, and several adoption bloggers have kindly reminded me with their posts that this also happens to be national adoption awareness month. This time a year ago I was getting ready to share my 3 part adoption series to a North Carolina TV audience. You can see the stories here and here and here.

Someone with the Children’s Home Society of North Carolina shared with me that after the series aired, the agency got a spike in calls from birth mothers wanting information about North Carolina’s confidential intermediary program, but they hadn’t necessarily seen those mothers filing the paperwork to participate yet.

The confidential intermediary program allows adoptees and birth parents to share information through an adoption agency. Only if both parties agree, the agency will facilitate direct contact.

I wonder if any of those birth mothers followed up?

Motherhood Tax Credits

Claudia D’arcy  created an impassioned debate on the New York Times opinion page. Her argument? Create a Tax Credit for impoverished birth mothers so they can afford to raise their children, and not turn to adoption. It’s worth taking a look.

Just as in so many other online adoption discussions, dozens of people have added their passionate opinions, but there seems to be no room for agreement. Then again, I know that’s not the point.

Perhaps more people can agree America needs to revisit its policies regarding adoption and adoptee rights. I don’t expect it to come up in a presidential debate anytime soon, but a national conversation focused on the well-being of people (minus the financial benefits of anyone) sure would be nice.

Social Identity

Forgive me blogosphere for all the grad school references as-of-late, but…

As I sat in class today, I reflected on part of a lecture about social identity. It’s this concept that we shape who we are based on internal and external happenings. In other words, our sense of self is not just how we see ourselves, but how others perceive us as well.

Think of the tension this creates when the internal and external identities don’t align.

• A multiracial child who identifies with a race, even though people perceive him as part of another.

• An adult adoptee who identifies with adopted family, but feels the “tug” from birth family.

As much as we would like to deny outside influences contributing to who we are, they’re all around us, and sometimes they’re a bit uncomfortable.

Embrace the Gray

On the eve of my grad school studies, I find myself reflecting back to the advice of Medill professor Louise Kiernan. She gave her top 10 pieces of advice for becoming great journalists and surviving grad school. One of them resonated with me.

She said embrace the gray. People are never black and white. Often times journalists place people in a familiar category (ie the unlikely hero, the concerned parent). It fits into an easy mold, and makes for a simple story to tell. Hey, I’m guilty of it – many of us are, but that’s not always a complete, or entirely accurate story.

People are complex and contradictory. It’s in our nature. Don’t shy away from the gray, embrace it.

This is great advice not just for storytelling, but for life. We’re all various shades of gray. Whether you’re a journalist, or just trying to make up your mind about your neighbor down the street, remember to seek and embrace the intricacies we discover in people.